Harsh Language

A few weeks ago, I received a phone call from a local coordinator. One of our students (let’s call him Tim) from South Korea told another kid that he was “going to kill him.” This other student had lent Tim a pen, and when the student took it back from him, Tim threatened him. This was not the first time that Tim had made such a strong statement. In fact, Tim has a reputation for losing his temper and saying harsh things. My first response was to send him home; a student that has an uncontrollable temper is not prepared for the exchange experience, which requires maturity and self-control, among other traits.

Later that week, I received an email from one of our partners in South Korea. I had written to her because another student (let’s call him James) from South Korea has been staying up very late and oversleeping every morning. The partner had spoken to his mother and translated the conversation for me. According to my partner’s translation, the natural mother, upon hearing the news of her son James, told her “I am going to kill him – I will kick his ass!”

 This led me to think: are Americans more sensitive to threats because of recent violence in schools and a culture of high homicide rates? I don’t know the answer. I haven’t designed a study to test this, but my hunch is that the answer is yes. This is not the first time that one of our boys from South Korea has been in trouble for using threatening language. In fact, this is an issue that we have had with South Korean students every year since I started in 2010. And yet, according to the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crimes (UNODC), the homicide rate in South Korea is about half of our homicide rate. After researching online, I was not able to find evidence of school shootings in Korea.

 This is not to say that South Korea is immune from violence. To the contrary, violence in South Korea is on the rise. Moreover, two recent school shootings in the U.S were perpetrated by native South Koreans (the Virginia Tech Shooting in 2007 and the Oakland Shooting in 2012). But perhaps South Korean culture does not shun threatening, harsh language because Koreans realize that it rarely leads to action. Threatening language has become part of mainstream discourse. Why else would a mother respond with those appalling words to a seemingly minor issue?

 Cultural differences are mostly celebrated in the Quest International Program. However, every once in while, we learn there are certain habits and cultural tendencies that are incompatible with American culture and society. As educators who are invested in international education, it is our job to edify our exchange students to these incompatibilities. Sometimes they are just not obvious.

 I am not sending Tim home. I spoke to him last week and explained to him that we, Americans, do not tolerate statements like I am going to kill you. When I asked him if threatening language like this is a big deal in South Korea his answer was, not surprisingly, “Not at all. But I have learned that I cannot say that here.” My fingers are crossed that Tim has learned and internalized this very important lesson. Shayna Ferullo